Love. Your. Single.

Life's a process (4)


Let me just set my scene for ya:

I’m sitting on my bed putting together the flood of thoughts running through my head for this specific blog post.

I just finished cleaning my house (and I mean booooy did I clean….like actually cleaned…not just a liiiiittle….I went all out ya’ll….I’m adulting out here).

I baked some cookies, unpacked my suitcase (that’s been sitting in my room since last weekend), and I’m waiting for my family to get here to spend the weekend with me.


As I’ve taken the time to reflect on my evening, my mind literally flutters in 200 other directions.

I’ve thought about how nice it was to have a quiet but productive night at home, doing the things I’ve been saying I need to do for the last two weeks.

It was nice to have an evening alone, not having to entertain anyone or put a ton of thought into anything.


My mind also jumps to the tasks I know I have to complete at work tomorrow.

With the thought of work, comes a intense feeling of gratitude and happiness.

I think about how amazing the internship I’ve been a part of has been, the opportunities it’s given me, and the things I’ve learned which will take me far in my professional career.


I think of how crazy it is that I’ve been living in Ohio for an entire summer — away from my mom, dad, and siblings.

I also realize how many friendships and relationships I’ve built this summer that will last (hopefully) forever.

I reflect on the girl I was when I moved here in May, to who I am now. How much my personality has changed. How much I’ve grown. How much I’ve come out of my bubble.


What is my point in all of this, you might ask?

My point is that if you had told me one year ago that I would be having the summer I’m having now, I would’ve laughed in your face.


A few months removed from a heartbreaking breakup, May of 2017 was just the beginning of probably one of the roughest summers I had ever had.

I had a job, and told myself that it would keep me busy and distracted from the pain I was feeling.

It didn’t.


Instead of a fun and adventurous summer, I spent the majority of it figuring out how to deal with these intense emotions I hadn’t experienced in such a long time.

I pretended I was okay with my circumstances, even though that was far from the truth.


During that time, I was being told constantly by my friends and family to do things that made ME happy.

To not focus on anyone else but myself.

But I didn’t know how to do that anymore.

I had put so much time and energy into the relationship I was in that I hadn’t truly done things for myself. Whenever I thought of something, it was for he and I to do it together.

I didn’t take the time to find things I really liked doing. (Sidenote, this isn’t a bash on my old relationship…just me saying that I put too much effort into finding things he and I could do together that I didn’t nurture myself and discover new things that I could turn into my own hobbies….aka this blog, haha).


So when it came to the point that I had to find what it was I really loved, I didn’t know where to start.

The process of learning how to embrace being single after such a long time of not being single was a long one, and it still goes on today.


Every day, I was and still am faced with a choice when I wake up:

How am I going to make myself better than I was the day before?

For me, it started of with: okay, I’m not going to text him today.

Or: I’m going to find something productive to do today.

Or: I’m going to spend time with a friend or family member to see how they are doing (and I mean actually paying attention and genuinely caring about how they are).


Little by little, I began finding things I really liked to do.

It got even better and easier when I went back to college for my sophomore year.


I realized that in high school, one of my favorite parts was being a member of one of the choirs. Why hadn’t I auditioned for one of the choirs at my college?

So, I quickly found the audition information and made my first step towards doing something a little out of my comfort zone, but rewarding all the same — I auditioned for a choir. And, I made it!


That same fall semester, I changed my major to Public Relations. I was unsure of what all was in store, but I followed the advice of professors and friends who told me I belonged in PR.

Let me make a long story short — THEY WERE SO RIGHT.


Changing my major got me involved in a new department, a new group of people, and gave me a new set of skills.

I started realizing that I had a HUGE passion for Public Relations, and I didn’t even know it!

How crazy to think that something that was so insignificant in my life at one point, is now what I hold so close to my heart and have exploding amounts of passion for.


I started pursuing friendships I had never put much effort into before.

Some of the girls and guys I reached out to at that time, are now my closest friends and I know I can trust them with juuuuust about anything!

We go on coffee dates, lunch dates, dinner dates, movie dates, taco dates, Target dates, allllll kinds of little dates.

My life has been filled so much just with the time that many of my friendships take!


There’s a pattern in all of the things I’ve been talking about….have you noticed it?

I’ll give ya a second to think about it…..

…..

…..

Okay enough thinking.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, the one thing that all of this has in common is that it happened while I was single.


Some of the absolute best memories and friends were made in a season of life that honestly just kind of sucked.

But, the more I branched out, got involved in more things, and met new people, the faster my days went and before I knew it — I was loving everything about my life.


Yes, there were and are times when I think of all the cutesy, couple things I could do if I had a boyfriend.

But then I remember how much I have learned and grown in this season of singleness.

There are so many things that wouldn’t have happened if I had a boyfriend, or at least if I was still in my previous relationship.


I wouldn’t have spent most of my time trying to meet new people.

I wouldn’t have auditioned for a choir or joined a student organization.

I wouldn’t have take an internship in a different state, away from my comfort zone.


I would’t have the time to myself that I’ve needed to truly process the emotions I’ve been dealing with for the last year.

I wouldn’t have discovered things about myself that I didn’t know before.

And I wouldn’t have grown as much as I have in the last year.


I’ve learned so many things during the last year, but the most important thing is this:

Your relationship status doesn’t define the level of fulfillment you get out of life. It is up to you to do what it takes to fill your life with things you love, care for, and are passionate about.

The right person will come at the right time but while you are in your season of singleness, take every opportunity for growth, get to know yourself, and take every opportunity thrown your way (within reason, ya know).


It’s more important to spend time bettering yourself than to seek out a relationship.

It’s more important to take time for yourself (be selfish) while you can.

And it’s more important to be truly in love with yourself and your life, than trying to force love with someone who isn’t “the one” for you.

 

Until next time,

Haley

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